CHRISTMAS

(Above) Gary Farrelly, NEW OBSESSIVE CHRISTMAS TREE(2009), private collection, Dublin.

New Obsessive would like to wish all our readers a happy and unhinged Christmas. We would also like to take the opportunity to extend our best wishes for 2012 - May it be a be characterized by happiness, health, prosperity, progress and victory.
The New Obsessive Christmas tree is traditionally decorated: camera stamp, railway, luggage, light bulbs, off ramps, redacted information and airliner motif.

Gary Farrelly, Neustern.

NEW OBSESSIVE WALKING TOUR A SUCCESS!

(Above) GERMAN U-BOAT DOCKED PROCEEDS TO DOCK AT THE QUAYS IN DUBLIN (1939)

The first ever New Obsessive city tour took place in Dublin this Saturday. The tour was operated in conjunction with Gary Farrelly's exhibition All roads lead to Neustern which is currently on public show at Galerie Modonov. Taking the gallery as a starting point, Farrelly guided an enthusiastic group of more than 40 spectators around previously unknown points of historical interest in the Irish capital.The New Obsessive tour was the result of many months of applied research, was free of charge and was approximately 90 minutes in duration. Though all who were on the tour thoroughly enjoyed it and found it profoundly educational, there were some who questioned the factual integrity of some aspects of the tour. Principal sites visited included:

The city brothel
Kim Jong Il's Dublin holiday home
The 1939 Nazi U-Boat landing site
Intervision suicide hotel
The Vlad the Impaler monument
Hydrogen bomb proof buildings

Farrelly maintains that these as well as all the other locations on his tour were completely credible and 'without excessive exaggeration' or fictionalization. One member of the tour group commented "I don't care if all the facts are true or not. I loved seeing Dublin through the artist's eyes for an afternoon. I loved the stories of cold war espionage, city center FEMA camps and cannibalism, It was a refreshing break from the usual grey mince".
Renata Muller, Dublin.

MASTER COPY

(Above images) Gary Farrelly, MASTER COPY OF NEW OBSESSIVE(2009/2011)

Dear C.C. COLETTE CROWLEY ANSWERS READER PROBLEMS

Dear C.C.
Are we living at the end of days? Is it survivable? How?
Norma, Westminster
Dear Norma,
Well… yes - and then… no.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am travelling to Neustern next month. This will be my first time ever to leave Ireland. Where should I go in the autonomous coastal city-state? Recommendations?
Nira, Celbridge.
Dear Nira,
Oh you are lucky - as Neustern is definitely the chicest of the chic in terms of this years most desired destinations. Nothing like starting at the top. Just make sure that you leave yourself enough time to explore it thoroughly and remember NO colour photography.
Yrs. jealously,
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am a 35-year-old gourmet butcher from Arlington, Texas. I have saved up a humble five figure net egg. The dollar is falling and friends say things will get worse. Where/in what form should I hold future financial reserves?
Yours,
J. Holden
Dear Mr. Holden,
You must be very prescient to realise that the dollar is falling despite all the propaganda to the contrary in your home state - you can still have a lot of fun - my advice is “spend it”.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am a card-carrying communist for over 20 years. I have always seen red! In my silver years my prosperity has led to my addiction to luxury goods. Hand mad soap from Birobijan; small-animal-pooped coffee beans at $80 a pack; budget busting salt from Mali. Communism is part of my identity. The idea of becoming a Tory, or worse, makes me barf. I need a new path. Help.
Connor Thomas
Dear Connor Thomas,
You needn’t worry - smoked salmon socialism and caviar communism have been with us since the whole ghastly ideology sprang into life. Luxury goods are carefully marketed at prosperous professionals in their silver years - you can still vote left while living right.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
My potatoe crop always fails to grow properly. Advice?
Linda, Clane
Dear Linda,
Could it be because, like Dan Quayle, you can’t spell potato?
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am terrified of flying. In planes I feel thoroughly ill - before we even leave the gate. My husband of 3 years has bought me a ticket to see my sister in Australia: 23 hour flight. I need to fix my phobia - fast!
Jilly, Dalkey
Dear Jilly,
On no account accept such a cruel and thoughtless present. Everyone knows that the most interesting voyages are by ship. Happy sailing.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear Collette,
I have a friend with serious mental health issues. She has been on a waiting list for treatment for over a year. I am afraid she will not make it to the top of the list alive. Advice?
Greg, Leixlip
Dear Greg,
Maybe from her perspective the so-called mental health issues don’t appear so alarming. None of us are guaranteed survival for an entire year. Cheer up.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am becoming very, very right wing as I get older. Is this unusual? Am I abnormal? n
Niall, Dublin 8
Dear Niall,
Some people confuse getting very, very right wing with just being a grumpy old man. Unfortunately it is both normal and usual.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am fascinated and full of admiration for the Nazis but a lot of my friends are Jews. Reconcile please.
Tina, Neustern
Dear Tina,
Maybe you are just a slave to style - the Nazis favoured physical perfection while the Jews are renowned for their mental agility and artistic sensibilities. Reconciled?
Yrs.
Collette

Collette Crowley is the New Obsessive agony aunt/ problem commissar. Readers are invited to send C.C. any problems they wish to have answered and published. C.C. can be reached at newobsessivedearcc@gmail.com

READERSHIP, MORAL AUTHORITY AND READER LIFE EXPECTANCY CONTINUE TO RISE

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(Above) FOUR KEY MEASUREMENTS OF THE SUCCESS OF NEW OBSESSIVE (2000-2011), Gary Farrelly (2011)

New Obsessive's readership has increased by just under 20% in the second quarter of 2011. It is up 52% on 2009 levels. This wonderful news is accurate, impressive and has not been exaggerated for your pleasure. Increases in the four key success measurement areas (KSMA) confirm the effectiveness of the publications new format which was inaugurated by founder and editor Gary Farrelly earlier in the quarter. The latest set of figures also confirm that there is a direct coralation between the moral authority of New Obsessive and the life expectancy of it's readership. Rigourous mathmatic testing reveals that New Obsessive readers have added an additional 30% to their projected lifespan since the publications founding in mid 2009. The average life expectancy of a male New Obsessive reader now stands at 91. The corrasponding figure for female readers is 97.

Gary Farrelly, Neustern.