NEUSTERN POLITICAL REFORM

(Above) NEUSTERN ELECTION RESULTS, Ministry for Political Continuity, Nordstern.

The Supreme Controller of Neustern has today concluded power sharing talks with opposition parties. Two days ago, The Supreme Controller’s own National Comrades Party won a stunning victory in the city states first ever democratic elections. 80 of the 117 seats in the national parliament were taken by National Comrades and NC affiliated candidates. Such a generous majority guarantees that the Supreme Controller can continue to rule without consultation. Numerically impotent, the opposition called for a meeting with the Supreme Controller to discuss their role in the future political discourse of the state. The Supreme Controller has agreed that opposition deputies will be allowed take their seats in parliament. Their participation in debates is authorized on the condition that their contribution will be made in an obscure dialect of sign language. Opposition deputies will be permitted to take part in parliamentary votes on the condition they unreservedly support the National Comrade position. The publication of opposition newspapers and periodicles will be allowed to continue as long as they are published in a white ink on white paper format. According The Supreme Controller “these reforms guarantee that democratic life in Neustern can be preserved in a purely theatrical form . The real business of constructive autocracy will surge forward unhindered by liberal notions and consensus”.

Gary Farrelly, Dublin

NEUSTERN ELECTION SPELLS END FOR OPPOSITION

(Above)Gary Farrelly, NEUSTERN ADMINISTRATIVE DIVISIONS/ VOTING PATTERNS(2011)

The first ever democratic elections to be held in the Autonomous Coastal City-state of Neustern have taken place. 603 candidates from four political parties contested the 117 seats across 17 constituencies. Several minor political groupings as well as independent candidates also presented themselves on the ballot paper. The previously undisputed ruler of Neustern, known as The Supreme Controller called for elections after several foreign observers noted that the country was “without doubt the least free and most despotic political arrangement to be found anywhere on earth” International observers were not permitted to enter Neustern to monitor election proceedings. The Supreme Controller’s own National Comrades Party (NCP) won 74 seats in the ballot. Independent and officially unaligned candidates (sworn loyal to The Supreme Controller ) took an additional six seats in the Supreme Assembly (parliament). This gives the Supreme Controller a 68% majority which guarantees that his legal and constitutional whims will be facilitated without opposition. Other parties made the following seat gains: Conservative Party (CP): 16 seats - 14%. Workers Party(WP): 14 seats - 12%. Liberal Green Party/ incorporating gays, feminists and ecologists (LGP): 7 seats - 6%. The National Comrades Party contested the election with a manifesto pledging to maintain the robust sovereignty, prosperity and law and order that Neustern has built its reputation upon. Also pledges was the disbanding of all opposition parties, a promise that NCP headquarters says is at the top of their priority list going in to government.

Gary Farrelly, Neustern.