Dear C.C.
Are we living at the end of days? Is it survivable? How?
Norma, Westminster
Dear Norma,
Well… yes - and then… no.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am travelling to Neustern next month. This will be my first time ever to leave Ireland. Where should I go in the autonomous coastal city-state? Recommendations?
Nira, Celbridge.
Dear Nira,
Oh you are lucky - as Neustern is definitely the chicest of the chic in terms of this years most desired destinations. Nothing like starting at the top. Just make sure that you leave yourself enough time to explore it thoroughly and remember NO colour photography.
Yrs. jealously,
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am a 35-year-old gourmet butcher from Arlington, Texas. I have saved up a humble five figure net egg. The dollar is falling and friends say things will get worse. Where/in what form should I hold future financial reserves?
Yours,
J. Holden
Dear Mr. Holden,
You must be very prescient to realise that the dollar is falling despite all the propaganda to the contrary in your home state - you can still have a lot of fun - my advice is “spend it”.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am a card-carrying communist for over 20 years. I have always seen red! In my silver years my prosperity has led to my addiction to luxury goods. Hand mad soap from Birobijan; small-animal-pooped coffee beans at $80 a pack; budget busting salt from Mali. Communism is part of my identity. The idea of becoming a Tory, or worse, makes me barf. I need a new path. Help.
Connor Thomas
Dear Connor Thomas,
You needn’t worry - smoked salmon socialism and caviar communism have been with us since the whole ghastly ideology sprang into life. Luxury goods are carefully marketed at prosperous professionals in their silver years - you can still vote left while living right.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
My potatoe crop always fails to grow properly. Advice?
Linda, Clane
Dear Linda,
Could it be because, like Dan Quayle, you can’t spell potato?
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am terrified of flying. In planes I feel thoroughly ill - before we even leave the gate. My husband of 3 years has bought me a ticket to see my sister in Australia: 23 hour flight. I need to fix my phobia - fast!
Jilly, Dalkey
Dear Jilly,
On no account accept such a cruel and thoughtless present. Everyone knows that the most interesting voyages are by ship. Happy sailing.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear Collette,
I have a friend with serious mental health issues. She has been on a waiting list for treatment for over a year. I am afraid she will not make it to the top of the list alive. Advice?
Greg, Leixlip
Dear Greg,
Maybe from her perspective the so-called mental health issues don’t appear so alarming. None of us are guaranteed survival for an entire year. Cheer up.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am becoming very, very right wing as I get older. Is this unusual? Am I abnormal? n
Niall, Dublin 8
Dear Niall,
Some people confuse getting very, very right wing with just being a grumpy old man. Unfortunately it is both normal and usual.
Yrs.
Collette
Dear C.C.
I am fascinated and full of admiration for the Nazis but a lot of my friends are Jews. Reconcile please.
Tina, Neustern
Dear Tina,
Maybe you are just a slave to style - the Nazis favoured physical perfection while the Jews are renowned for their mental agility and artistic sensibilities. Reconciled?
Yrs.
Collette
Collette Crowley is the New Obsessive agony aunt/ problem commissar. Readers are invited to send C.C. any problems they wish to have answered and published. C.C. can be reached at newobsessivedearcc@gmail.com
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