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  1. Clydesdale Olfactory sense can elicit the most vivid memories. In your experience what is the most disturbing memory that evidences itself upon a certain smell?

    Turpin Well, sexual assault certainly has a musk all its own, but in the interests of maintaining the proper Sunday Colour Supplement tone, I’ll choose something from further back. Certain tobacco smells remind me of my piano teacher, who was a very brilliant man, but also a very frightening one. He smoked like an industrial chimney, and when he shouted it always burst out of him in a puff of smoke, as if he literally was a dragon. He sat behind me, so all I ever saw was the little pieces of ash that drifted down onto the keys. Maybe that’s why there’s so much incineration in my music.

    Clydesdale Loss and struggle are characteristic themes of American country and western music. Your output also deals with these basic human tribulations. What would the chorus of a David Turpin country and western song (produced for the masses on this side of the Atlantic) sound like?

    Turpin It will be saccharine and string-led. Kris Kristofferson will play guitar, and we’ll use his face as a skiffle board. It will have harmonies by the Parton-Harris-Ronstadt Trio, and the refrain will include the lines “I dug up those chalky bones, Theo / To dance in line like the corn we grow...”

    Farrelly Do you believe in God?

    Turpin Not necessarily as a benevolent force.

    Farrelly Do you believe in love?

    Turpin [Declines to answer]

    Clydesdale In a recent correspondence you stipulated that "everything is better with a horse in it" can you please make known your favorite culinary dish improved by the inclusion of a horse. *Horseradish does not count?

    Turpin I imagine the speared corpse of an enemy – dragged Hector-and-Achilles-style across the ground by a horse – would taste pretty nice.

    Farrelly Your recent album Haunted was well received by the critical establishment. Are you satisfied by the wholeheartedness of their adoration of Turpin?

    Turpin I wouldn’t recognize adoration if it walked up to me and punched me in the face. It’s not even on my radar.

    Farrelly Where will David Turpin be in 5 years? (at least one scenario please).

    Turpin On July 4, 2015, I will be the sole resident in a luxury hotel at the centre of a wood north of Bear Mountain in upstate New York. I will be in the Vermillion room, possibly reclining with my hybrid wolves, watching through the picture window as the people of the township tie themselves to fireworks and, in my honor, blast off into the night sky.

    (July 4, 2010)